Sutton won’t bother Kyle about her new lifestyle in this week’s episode of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” as Garcelle and Dorit attempt to patch things up. Sutton Stracke is a classic Southern Belle who enjoys talking trash and meddling in her co-stars’ private lives. And she begins her most recent investigation into Kyle’s midlife crisis on tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
After the unnecessary cliffhanger last week, we pick up in Episode 5, where Sutton and Kyle are arguing about the former’s actions in Las Vegas. Following Kyle’s accusation that she is mentally unstable, Sutton chooses to turn the tables on her. “What is wrong with YOU?” Sutton fires back.
Kyle immediately seems to know what Sutton’s getting at, regarding her lifestyle changes that include no drinking, working out obsessively, and a series of juvenile tattoos that she looks like she got on a Delaware beach. She tells Sutton to “bring on” her suspicions before she storms out of her house in her hideous bedazzled hoodie. Clearly, this is a woman with nothing to hide!
Next, we head to Erika’s modest casita, which, in her opinion, is little more than public housing in comparison to the estate she once shared with Tom Girardi. Renee, her mother, is in the city. Even though this small woman has previously appeared on the show, it’s always weird to think of Erika as someone’s child—she wasn’t produced in a factory and transported to a New Jersey strip club. Since they are only 18 years apart, these two also appear to be about the same age.
The last time Renee was on the show, Erika mentioned that she was tough on her growing up and basically blamed her for the emotionally vacant human being she is today. On this visit, Erika is really playing up their alleged tension. Apparently, they stopped talking when Erika was going through her legal issues with Tom. Her mom also brings up her old mansion, which triggers Erika. Unfortunately, thanks to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, my standard for mother-daughter drama is Monica and her mother, Linda. So I need to see a little more friction between these two, a stolen car, at least!
That said, this Renee visit is mostly an opportunity for Erika to complain about how small her house is. She tells her mother their limited sleeping options for the night.
When your parents are sleeping over, you naturally forfeit your bed. But the thought of sleeping on a sofa is apparently too sad for Erika, so she not-so-subtly pressures her mother to let her share her bed. The way she lists the sofa and the floor as her only options truly made me crack up. Erika could definitely make one of her rooms a guest room if she wasn’t embarrassed to have people over.
Anyway, Crystal is finally getting some screen time after her birthday trip where she was upstaged by everyone else, including Magic Mike dancers. It turns out this anecdote about her getting in the middle of her brother, Jeff, and his ex-fianceé, Vivi, is a storyline we’re going to have to follow. And I’m only down for it if we get to see Crystal being a full-on bitch about Vivi. I’m not sure that I care about her brother’s heartbreak over this woman he planned to marry but abandoned in China to combat COVID by herself.
At any rate, I still feel like I’m missing something with this family drama. Crystal says, in this episode, that she and her mother “forced” Jeff to come back to the States during the pandemic. But what does “forcing” a 40-year-old man to move look like? Were they threatening something?? Also, I can’t tell if Crystal feels awkward that she prompted this breakup or if she just doesn’t want to be replaced by whoever her brother marries. Rob implies the latter while they’re eating dinner. And Crystal quickly shuts him down and starts fidgeting like Kyle being questioned in Sutton’s kitchen. I guess we’ll see where this weird sibling shit goes.
Sutton goes to check out her new horse, Santos, with Jennifer Tilly. Out of all the scenes on Bravo shows that I fall asleep through, anything involving the riding or petting of a horse are probably at the top of my list. No offense to horses! You guys just aren’t fun to watch humans interact with on TV unless you’re throwing someone off your back. Afterwards, though, Sutton talks to Jennifer about Kyle’s odd behavior. And Jennifer explains to her that Kyle is probably looking for a way to gain control of her life.
A screening of Garcelle’s produced and starred Lifetime film Black Girl Missing takes place at the end of this episode. (Where on Variety’s list of the 40 Most Powerful Women in Reality TV was this media mogul?) Regretfully, Garcelle is dressed in yet another outrageous way: a trench coat with silver sequins over a black tie. Her stylist is obsessed with styling her like a gigantic 12-year-old who shops at Justice, and I genuinely have no idea where someone would even purchase these things in 2023. This is the franchise where I’m used to expecting everyone to look ostentatious!
Anyhow, Dorit and Sutton ride to Garcelle’s screening together. And Dorit’s already nervous that there’s supposedly going to be 100 people at this event, even though Garcelle told her it would be an “intimate” gathering. I don’t want to say that Dorit is weaponizing her PTSD from the robbery to not be around people. (I totally would.) But she was literally just galavanting around Las Vegas, a more likely place to get robbed than Garcelle’s party! You think Jerry O’Connell’s gonna reach into your bag while you’re ordering a drink?
Thankfully, Dorit doesn’t make this an issue (for now at least). After the screening, she and Garcelle have a talk about their Vegas argument. And Dorit apologized for telling Garcelle that “it’s been a year” since all of the drama with Jax and to essentially get over it. Jax and Erika also make amends after she drunkenly cursed him out last season. Jax makes Crystal walk over to Erika with him as his emotional support—considering she was present when she shooed him away—which was very cute.
We also get our first Denise Richards appearance. And boy, has this woman gotten kookier since her very odd Season 10 reunion performance. First of all, she’s wearing what you wear to an actual movie theater (a denim varsity jacket) with her hair in a bun. She’s also clearly excited to be on camera, which is great because I’ve never really felt like Denise was really tapped in when she was on the show. Next week, though, is when she’ll presumably unleash all of her grievances.
So the episode ends just like it began with Sutton and Kyle having another talk that goes absolutely nowhere. I have to say, Sutton is kind of flopping this investigation. She’s not going to get any answers out of Kyle by telling her that she’s changed 100 times or alluding to something being wrong. She needs to ask some questions!
Kyle thankfully brings up Mauricio’s cheating rumors because Sutton can’t move this conversation along. She tells Sutton it was shitty of her to allude to the headlines at her house, which I don’t think she did? Anyway, Kyle maintains that everything in her life is fine, and that she’s only changed “physically.” Sutton still gives her a potent stare, but Kyle remains stone-faced.
I always forget that Sutton really struggles with in-person confrontation, despite how shady she is in her confessionals. I would assume this is why Garcelle has to blurt out “her marriage!” to help her out when she broaches this subject again with Kyle in the next episode. Regardless, I don’t know why Sutton thought Kyle would admit to Mauricio having an affair or the two of them splitting up a Lifetime movie screening. She’ll presumably do it at a dinner party next week like a professional.